Your Rep is Your Coach

The case for non-judgmental observation, inside and outside the gym

You want to get stronger.

So you train hard, push yourself, and chase progress.

But somewhere along the way, you become your harshest critic.

It's not just the weight that breaks you - it's the voice in your head.

The one that says, “That was sloppy.”

The one that says, “You should've done better.”

The one that turns a rep into a referendum on your self-worth.

That voice isn't helping you. But what if you didn't have to silence it either?

What if you could just watch it?

Self-criticism

I've spent years coaching students who want to get strong - not just physically, but mentally.

They show up, give their best, and take their training seriously.

And yet, when a rep doesn't go perfectly, I see it in their faces. The flinch. The frustration. The self-directed anger.

They're doing the thing. But they're punishing themselves for not doing it perfectly.

I get it.

I know that spiral intimately.

In fact, it wasn't until I started working with my therapist that I realised this pattern extended far beyond the gym.

Therapy

I remember working with my therapist on this exact thing.

The inner critic wasn't just showing up in my workouts - it was everywhere.

I would hear the critical note and go down that path of beating myself up. Or force that out of my head and instead say positive things. But neither worked. The positive stuff was not authentic. And shoving negative thoughts aka repressing them is not a good idea (again, years of experience in this.)

So I started practicing a deceptively simple skill: non-judgmental observation.

It wasn't about becoming a monk.

It was about noticing what I was saying to myself - without rushing to fix it.

That shift started with my training, but first I had to understand why we struggle with this in the first place.

Feedback == Defensive

Because here's the thing: we're conditioned to see feedback as criticism.

When someone points out a mistake, we tense up, and when we notice something wrong in our own form, we get annoyed - as if the feedback itself is an attack on our character.

It feels like bad news. Like a failure. Like proof that we're not good enough.

But feedback doesn't have to be a judgment.

Your rep isn't scolding you.

Your rep is simply information - data from your body to your brain.

You don't have to take every cue as an indictment.

Sometimes, it's just a message: “Hey, maybe snap your hips faster next time.”

But we don't hear it that way - because we've practiced judgment, not observation. So I decided to use my training as a laboratory for something different

Experiment

Training is a sandbox for life.

That's where I started experimenting with this idea.

I'd finish a set and pause, taking a moment to notice my breath and whatever thought surfaced first - usually something like “You forgot to squeeze your glutes.”

Before, that thought would spiral.

“I'm sloppy. I'll never get this right. Why am I still making this mistake?”

Now, I'd just… notice.

“Oh. That's a 6/10 glute squeeze. Cool. Let's try 7 next set.”

That's it.

I wasn't hyping myself up with fake positivity.

I wasn't shutting down the voice either.

I was just sitting by the riverbank, watching the thoughts float by.

And the craziest part?

They passed.

They didn't stick.

They didn't drag me down.

And when I walked up to the bell again, I felt lighter. More focused. More present.

Change in my coaching

This is something I now teach my students.

Because I see it in them - especially the ones coming back after a long break.

They remember their old selves.

The 10K runs. The heavy lifts. The pace, the power, the confidence.

But now, they're gasping at 2K.

And their minds aren't kind:

“You've let yourself go.”

“This is pathetic.”

“You're not who you used to be.”

They're not just feeling unfit.

They're judging themselves for it.

And my invitation is the same:

Don't fix the thought.

Don't argue with it.

Don't replace it with a fake positive one.

Just observe. Don't judge.

Practice the Pause

Before your next set, try this:

Notice what you're saying to yourself.

Is it helpful? Is it harsh? Is it honest?

Let it pass.

Don't fix it. Don't fight it.

Just watch it go.

Because when you practice non-judgmental observation in the gym, you start practicing it in life.

And rep by rep, you build something more valuable than strength - you build the capacity for self-compassion.

P.S.

This is hard.

It doesn't happen in one session.

But it starts with one rep.

Remember, the weight doesn't break you. The judgment does. But non-judgmental observation? That builds you back up, rep by rep